Nothing significant has changed as regards to world economy. Everyone is talking about it: Newspapers, TV channels and Dogs (since they don’t get meat sticks). Everyone is an economist now and have a remedy for the recovery but the slide continues. Why isn't that all governments print more currency notes and that way it gets solved? Well, that is a different topic altogether for central bank of each country.
Coming back to Economy, we have a much more serious issue than Economy today and no one seems to notice that. Guess what! No, it is not lack of jobs. It is different. And it is about the impending collapse of Earth. We are close to year 2012 and we should act on it now. It is not about the movie but close.
As all of us know by now, an average American is heavier than an India-Indian (yes, for those of you who think that Shaqeel-O-Neil is a continent, please note that there is a country named India far east of where sun rises), and he is likely to be 4 times heavier, only surpassed by the Sumo wrestlers from Japan. We all see how Discovery channel talks about poverty in India and how thin people are. To make it worse, India has got a large population, both accounted and unaccounted for. I believe that IBM is inventing a new computer to sum up the population in India. For the sake of our discussion, let us assume that the population in India is at least 5 times that of Americas. So, any math whiz kid would now create two equations
1. Population of India is 5 times that of Americas
2. Average American weighs equivalent of 4 Indians.
So, why do we need to strain our brains on this math equation? It is only to bring out the Einstein in us. Due to this imbalance in population and balance in weight, the Earth is able to stay in balance.
So, what is going to happen in 2012? When the US economy started collapsing with food shortage first, President Bush commented that it is because Indians are eating more. He does have a point. Overeating Indians are adding more to the concentration of planetary weight in India. With population being high and applying Einstein’s equation, you will realize that the sheer number of people multiplied by the increase in weight would directly apply pressure on Earth’s crust beneath India. International Association of Scientists for Earth Crustography, in its latest published Journal – The Mantle – states that this will have major impact on the tectonic plates on Earth.
As we might have learnt in school, Earth is shaped like a ball with India almost on the other side of Americas. It is almost as if drilling a hole in India would give a secret passage into California, which is another immigration headache for Schwarzenegger. But going by the way Indians drill bore wells in India for ‘Drinking water’, the possibility of a tunnel is not too far away. Coming back to Earth’s shape, the force exerted by India until Bush’s comment was equally balanced by the force exerted by people from Americas. According to Heisenberg’s uncertainty principle, these two forces cancel each other leaving Earth to retain its shape as it is. Now that Bush has discovered that Indians are eating more, the overweight Indian is now going to apply more force on planet Earth. Bush was clairvoyant and we had not paid attention to him. The earlier mathematical equation is now going out of balance. More pressure from India has started slowly pushing Americas out. So, what happens to Americas in such a case?
According to Law of Balloon Theory, this additional force will cause the following, not necessarily in the same order.
Altitude of all the cities/towns in Americas will increase
Since Altitude increases, the temperature felt by people will be colder than what they are used to
Americans will need more oil to keep the heater on (now you know why Oil prices are going up)
This will lead to further stress in Economy, another topic for discussion
India will cave in and the oceans will take over, partially solving the water problem that they have, but a bit salty solution though
This caving of India will have a cascading effect and one fine day, Americas will get catapulted out of the planet and sent hurtling towards space.
So we do have a problem that is much more serious, don’t you think? What can we learn from History? If we had paid attention to our History class, especially on that half-a-chapter that covers world history (world here means places outside of Americas), we would know that there was this lost continent of Atlantis. And in India, they talk about lost continent of Lemuria. So, what can we deduce from these two statements? It is simple. One of the continents went under water due to the sheer force exerted by the people and another was sent hurtling towards space forming a ghost Pluto. OJ Simpson’s gloves also shrunk because of the same.
Seriously, this is more dangerous problem than anything that we have to deal with today. So, what are the actions that we need to take now, especially at the UN convention that is happening in New York?
1. India should press for an easier Visa regime with US (which is what the finance minister of India is going to do in any case; Clue: he is not talking about Economics but about Visa).
2. More Indians should be exported to the US, especially the heavier ones.
3. With immediate notice, Indians should starting eating less
4. Americans should start eating more and become heavier and heavier. All weight loss centers should be banned or sent to Cuba. All those exercising should be sent to the prison near Reno (to counteract the India force)
Otherwise, the Earth which is already elliptical and not spherical will become a flat plane, which will further lead to economic collapse.
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